Just a few days into the new year I noticed she took down her facebook profile. I texted her to see how she was. She told me “Not good, I think I need to be by myself for a long time!” I told her that I was sorry to hear that, that I loved her and to take care of herself. She texted back “I will, love you too.” then not one more word, I wanted to be supportive and let her know I cared and was there if she needed me, despite knowing we eventually needed to talk about what had happened between us I wanted her to know I cared.
Then after 2 text in the last few weeks with no response something pulled me to sign into my old facebook account that I never deactivated and search for her, there her profile was, she didn’t deactivate her account she blocked me and anyone close to me even mutual friends. My heart sank, she just wasn’t taking time to herself, she had ghosted our friendship and didn’t even tell me. I remember waking the next morning feeling like i had been stabbed in the heart. I poured over articles about friends that ghost, how to handle it, to understand and process my feelings.
From the articles I concluded ….
- It says more about the person who ghosted you than it does you (they may be to immature to handle their feelings and have an adult conversation about them)
- Don’t try to seek them out and ask why, it won’t make you feel any better.
- They did you a favor (Do you really want to be friends with someone who can’t talk to you)
Once I realized I no longer had to have a conversation about the troubling things happening in our friendship my anxiety went away. As I contemplated all of it I began to realize I never wanted to be put in a position like this again. She placed such unhealthy expectations on me and our friendship became toxic because of it. I’m not sure if there was a better way I could of handled the boyfriend situation, I wanted to respect her relationship by not involving myself, but in the end she’d end up not respecting me for trying to stay out of it. Well it’s sad to no longer be friends, I feel like a weight was lifted, we may of not got exact closure or a dignified end to a friendship that has lasted for over half of our life’s , we no longer have to redefine or push something that was failing and causing pain.
Some close to me think she’ll come to her senses and not want to throw away a friendship that lasted so longer over a guy, none realizing it makes no difference what it was, it was the feelings that went with this whole last few months that ended and destroyed us, not the actual guy himself. I have no idea who she blames for what happened me, him or herself. I’d rather not know and just move on with my life learning from the experience. To this friend if I had to say anything I’d tell her our friendship was great for a long time and I’m grateful for that time and then I’d thank her for ghosting me, it was time for it to end and this way it ended with our own reasons that it needed to. I hope you don’t think of the last few months when you think of me because that isn’t how I want to think of you, you were so much more than these last few bad months and that is how I’d like to remember you.