Sometimes it can be extremely hard to recognize narcissism in some while others it is very easy to spot, but it is certain that a child is doomed to repeat history without proper help and healthy relationships to see them through their development. I was born into a narcissistic family and honestly I didn’t realize it affected the whole family as some family members were worse than others. My grandmother was the one who took the cake, any time you spent with her was certain to have at least 1 moment where your time spent with her would be ruined by her behavior. My mother worked hard various shifts and forced me to have to be at my grandmother’s house frequently with a year period that I had to live with her.
The time I spent with her was all about her needs even through serious childhood illness I was expected to wait on her, I got bacterial meningitis as a kid, my mother made it apparent she couldn’t take time off from work to care for me and left me in her mother’s care when I got out of the hospital, though assigned to bed rest by the doctors I was up getting her coffee and getting screamed at when her own mother told her off for having me get out of bed to wait on her. She also gave my pet rabbit away while I was in the hospital. She used tactics of embarrassment, guilt, and physical abuse to manipulate me. Anything she said went, my mother followed her propaganda to the T when around her which I grew up with a sense of not being good enough( a feeling often described by those who have relationships with narcissistic people.)
Skipping over a torrent of history to 2009, it was the year I was going to get married to a wonderful man who is so loving and supportive. My great-grandmother fell ill, it became a family project to care for her to keep her out of a nursing home. Being bound by certain agreements i.e. I needed a car and agreed to come help care for my great grandma and do housework for the car that my great grandma could no longer drive. I was constantly micromanaged by my grandmother and criticized about all other areas in my life i.e. that i am a bad mother and wife that I need to execute control over them. I often left that house feeling hurt, unloved, and just drained of any energy. I often would try to plan to leave a few hours before my son got out of school to rebuild my mood before he came home so I wasn’t bound to let the way I feel affect him. My husband and I eventually figured where we currently wasn’t working for our family so we decided to move.
During the time that we were moving our household came down with a nasty stomach virus, I called to inform my grandmother of my illness and that I wasn’t going to make it, I was treated like I was being to much of a baby and I needed to take anti nausea and immodium medicine to stop and be there because they needed me. She was angry that I took time to move. Towards the end months of my great grandmas life as my son started middle school and my husband was starting a new schedule, I had to pull back because my own families demands were more. I received great flack for this and often was treated among the family that it was about time I started being a good mother or that me being a stay at home mom was because I was lazy.
My great-grandmother passed away Dec. 3,2011… it took my grandmother till mid january to put together a viewing. During all this my grandma wanted me to proceed to be in charge because she would be too distraught over the loss of her mother, but the day of service I seemed the only one who expressed the most grief as I sobbed on my husbands shoulder, she was the reason I hung in for as long as I had with my grandmother.During one of her many manipulations where I went home crying over the fact that I felt my grandmother didn’t love me I vowed to my husband that their would be no reason for me to go back once my great grandma passes and once she is put to rest I would be done with my grandma’s toxic ways that just depleted me of any happiness or self-worth. My mother of course decided she wanted to throw a party for my husband’s aunt because well lets say it was ok its your birthday but i want you in my allegiance to manipulate my daughter and invited her mother as well.
My husband’s family is not easy to manipulate and pretty much their all about me stories got ignored, people walked away as if they didn’t have time for their self-absorbed attitudes. However the thing they didn’t realize is I planned to keep my promise and as my grandmother tried to inject herself back into my life following the more recent of events I told her I didn’t want a relationship with her, she since then has turned to everyone I have as friends and other family members hoping they will make me come back, they want to use the tactic of having others tell you how horrible you are that that is just mean to do to your grandma. Which in my next blog post I will tell you where her manipulation lead as it affected a relationship close to me and finally helped me turn the blinders off to their behavior.