Hiding from your emotional terroist once you go no contact

Published January 9, 2013 by PeachyKeene

I think it is beneficial to change your patterns of places you go, things you do, and if you have the option to move i.e. are a renter to move. Realize if the people who terrorize you know your patterns it will only be a matter of time before they find you to continue their terrorist acts. When you first go no contact this is your time to heal, you are in a delicate stage and they know that, they will use that to manipulate you to submit to a relationship with them and their bad behavior nothing has changed. To be honest going no contact in the beginning you are more fragile then when you didn’t speak up because now they are immensely aware of the pain you say you suffered at the hands of them and they will try to tap into that pain hoping the wish for them to stop will drive you to them with some rationalization on your part that you get that they will not stop.

Which sad to say if they know how to reach you and they are the engulfing type they will most certainly not stop. Whenever I go shopping I try to keep my mom’s schedule in mind, I try not to go to places they would frequent and if I do I try not to go when she might be there because I am not ready for a public show down. The only reason I think my mother hasn’t come to my home is she fears me calling the cops, during the last major event of my life when she decided to emotionally terrorize me, I was living with my father, step mom, and step brother with my son. My mother wasn’t respecting my boundaries or that of my families and one day she came over she knew we were home, but no one would answer the door. So she persisted by knocking on all the windows of our home and when she did this the police was phoned. She still to this day insist my step mom invited her over so she could phone the cops on her,  however my step mother swears to never inviting her and said that when running into my mom she felt ganged up on by her and her mother, the day that happened before this incident left her in tears.

One of their manipulation tactics is they want everyone else around you not to love you or think you are a wonderful person, they try to speak ill of you to those you surround yourself with, I’ve had my first most important relationship for 26 years, my second for 19 years, and another for 6 years, those of my friends and husband, in the course of their time knowing me they have never heard my mother saying something nice about me like she truly loves me. They could of course recant all the negative non affirming things my mother has stated about me, which they find appalling that a parent could be that way. However the world is not perfect, but you can make yours better just by changing the things that don’t fulfill you.

One of the things you have to learn to let go of is the way others think of you, it is a guarantee once you go no contact you are going to run into a person that knows your family and you, maybe a family friend and in my case a previous co-worker, they may have seen your mother some weeks prior well out and may mention it merely because they were taken a back and alarmed by her announcement of “your cruelty”, some may ask is everything alright and truthfully most don’t need to know the details of your disunion with your family, you may elect to tell them I would rather not discuss personal matters, also don’t discuss with these people anything you wouldn’t want your family you separated from knowing. If you come across someone who wants to criticize you for your personal choice, tell them sorry i guess we have nothing to speak about and walk away, most people who make brash decisions based on one persons account of events is someone who you don’t want to waste breath on trying to explain your side to. Also those you consider close to you, should not be someone who has regular contact with your family, they should be people who are truly loyal to you and will not discuss you with your family, if you can’t determine if they are it’s best not to keep them in your circle of confidants.

Until you discover who you are and rebuild yourself, I would definitely feel you are not quiet ready for the chance encounter of bumping into your ex communicated family, if this happens walk away, if they follow, warn them not to talk to or follow you, if they still proceed shout it at them so others are aware there is a problem, this will often disengage them and they may even try to cast shame on you for doing that, but the key is to remember don’t care about the judgement of others, this is your life and this is something that others couldn’t possibly understand.

In the beginning stages you are hiding from them, but as you start to find your own dreams, desires, beliefs, love, self-esteem, and confidence, your life is remodeled you are no longer their hostage, you now are equipped with all the tools of normal healthy adults they no longer can keep you hostage because you learned and armed yourself with all important lessons that you no longer are hiding, you simply are a stranger to the personal hell they inflicted on your life and you know you will never give them this power again. Keeping in mind that they were terrorist of your emotions don’t expect once you begin the healing process sitting down to a cup of coffee is possible, in the real world those we consider terrorist to our nation we seek to destroy, we absolve their tyranny to keep them from harming us and others and this is how you have to think about your own emotional terrorist. Some might think I shouldn’t say anything to my son about his grandmother, but I did tell him she has problems none of us can fix and she isn’t good for us to be around, that it isn’t his fault and not allow anyone to make him feel like it is.

In the beginning you have to learn self-preservation, avoidance tactics much like old prison war camp movies where you see a person slowly chiseling their way out of jail without their captures knowing, you don’t want your captures stopping you from finding your own release from the emotional prison they trapped you in, the next time they see you, you want them to know they will never have the capabilities to lock you in there again you are now free from their chains and free to move on with your life.

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