Yesterday right as I just got done posting my blog I heard a knock at the door and peeped through the hole and saw an officer of the law. A little surprised I answered the door and as soon as I opened it my mom stepped into view she had hidden off to the side. She continued to persist I had things belonging to her and said she wanted to bring us christmas gifts. I told her I don’t have anything of yours, I don’t want anything from you, you need to leave. She tried with all her might to get me to engage in a conversation with her, but I kept repeating myself. The officer said to her I can’t enter her residence and you have been asked to leave so we now must go. Which let me say that had me just a little rattled as I was trying to accomplish a few things as we were planning to go pick up my husband’s mom from the airport, it was going to be her first time seeing her son alert and awake since the accident.
As we sat down for lunch about 1:30pm, his mother phones us before she is about to board the plane and tells us my mother is now sending her messages on Facebook, she says they are very long-winded and she has no interest in even trying to read them let alone based on everything she has witnessed from my mom there never would be a way she would side with her. Three and a half hours later we had a very warm reunion with her and as we were leaving the airport, she looked at her messages on Facebook my mother in her three and a half hour flight sent her 13 more long-winded messages, which made her question what is wrong with her?
So there it opened the dialog I wanted her to understand so long ago when I first decided to go no contact, she now was witnessing first hand my mom’s narcissistic rage and wanting my husband’s mom to join her in telling me and whoever else who sided with me they were wrong. In many of her rants not only did she discuss her problems with me, but also with my husband’s aunt as my husband’s aunt refused to participate in her grievance with me. The family as a whole discussed we know you had problems in your past, who hasn’t, I could care less if you murdered someone when you were 19 that isn’t who you are now, we love you, you are a great person. At this juncture it has been decided that they plan to block her on Facebook and refuse to participate in her tirades.
I got to explain in detail what a narcissist is, that it is a unfixable personality disorder, I either spend my whole life guarding who I let around her, what I say, and knowing every major life event I have she will be jealous and want to steal the spot light, she will try to ruin any future opportunities I have by talking bad about me to the person who offers me the opportunity. So I decided my life is better without her, I said I know you think it’s easy as pie to just be over it, but that isn’t so she has emotionally terrorized me most of my life and I am still trying to heal. My husband capped with his mother her intense jealously over our relationship where we can’t say I love you without wanting us to tell her she is loved as well, that she tried to stop us from getting married when I didn’t do as my mom said about calling off the wedding she called dcf on us, and she spends a lot of her time trying to tell us stories about the other hoping to pit us against each other. That she is a bully and all she wants is me to herself so she has an endless supply of being cruel and saying hurtful things.
We discussed many key points in the troubles my mom has and none of these things are fixable and how I can anticipate she will never forgive some of the things I did though I paid her back, apologized, and set out to be a better person because she has a wrap sheet on everyone, no one is allowed the chance to start over she carries things with her forever. I think as we discussed these things with my husband’s mom she realized why I made the decision I had and that it’s one my mother will try to ensue that I suffer from. We won’t let this ruin my husband’s moms visit, if anything it helped her see what others already have known for a while. She said she already had a sense of how unmotherly my mom was by the things she witnessed, but she just had no idea how truly bad it was.
In time your N. will reveal herself to those who are more deeply connected to you, those who see to meet her demands I think you are going to have no choice to cut ties with them and view them as toxic people as well.