Cleaning up after the train wreck

Published April 18, 2013 by PeachyKeene

As you begin to process all you’ve been through, knowing it wasn’t imagined, you confronted your tormentor and still they deny all that has happened( no surprise there.) you get caught up looking at the train wreck of this shattered relationship, each event like a witness who saw it happen differently as you begin to process what really happened there. You loose sight of the goal to clean the site up because there is no going back to keep it from happening in the first place. You sometimes get so caught up at looking at it, you forget to make this place better than how it is now.

I finally said what I needed to say to my mom even if she was to narcissistic to understand or even care about others. I said it and of course she denied and sobbed into my voice mail about herself and my cruelty, my app only did it’s job half way giving her the option to actually fill my voice mail full of her narcissistic rants. I gave up on trusting apps to keep her out and did the next best notion of changing my number. She took to online media to gaslight the situation and I decided to focus on myself, to do things that make me feel better about myself.

My whole life from about age 10 and up I have suffered from obesity, I prior to my husbands accident was keeping a food journal and counted calories in attempts to loose weight I was doing great as I lost 30lbs in a 4 month time period. However I let stress get the best of me and did stress eating. I packed on half of what I lost in the last 4 months. I decided it was time to work back on my goal, not allow others to add to my stress. So my goal is to work on things I want, replace the time delegated to my mother to the things I’ve wanted for my own home and self. Sometimes it’s the small goals we set for ourselves that will lead to bigger steps towards healing.

It’s not always easy overcoming these things, but if we absolve to be better, not to repeat history, to find a healthy love for ourselves and to love others we are going to learn key elements to our own survival. Don’t feel consumed with your hatred for them and the way they treated you, remember someone in their past may of robbed them of the healing process you decided to take, they let others monopolize them, they let their sense of loyalty to hold them where they are at instead of seeking out a better life for themselves, and in turn turned into the very person they felt tormented by.

The one thing that matters is there is hope for you, just whatever it is you decide to do for yourself make sure it is something that doesn’t mean you must rely on someone else to supply the source of happiness you’d like to feel. Let it be something you can feel pride in yourself wither people notice what you did or not.


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