I want to be better than she last remembered

Published January 10, 2014 by PeachyKeene

The stress of a year of constant hiccups and trying to heal had got the best of me. I spent most of the year flailing about at the slightest brush of stress, inconvenience, or heart ache. It robbed me of being able to prevent the things I feared most or wanted to do for the better, now I must back track to make them happen. As I came falling from the strings my mom pulled getting caught in the cords on the way down, I let the positive things I was doing for myself slip away from me as well.

I am a big girl, coming from a family who is big, my mother’s family loved the buffet’s and were the encouragers to get their money’s worth never mind that it didn’t teach you about proper health and nutrition. Coming from families with big waist lines means diseases like Diabetes. My dad was diagnosed with Diabetes just prior to my sons 12th birthday. When my son’s birthday arrived we had plans to take him to a theme park which was just miserable because my mother came. She took off with my families tickets that would grant us access to the water park section of the park and made me catch up to where she was at if I wanted them. It was in the 100 degree range that day here in Florida. By the time I caught up with her I had heat exhaustion. Which when I complained I wanted to throw up and pass out my mom made it a competition by saying she felt the same way. It was a bad weekend trip and the only reason the second day was any better is because my husband’s family tried to buffer the situation.

I came back from that trip thinking of how miserable I felt and couldn’t help but feel being overweight did me in faster cause I was drinking water I just wasn’t getting nearly as hydrated as everyone else because I was Obese. I decided to loose weight and not any of those gimmick weight loss methods, no pills, shakes, drinks, or injections just watching what I eat, smaller portions, and making healthier substitutes for things we ate every day. From The end of July to the end of December in 2012 I lost 30lbs. November of 2012 my husband was in a major motor vehicle accident and then because of my mother thinking she was mother superior and she should be first in my life as we tried to get our life’s back together I walked away from her December 2012. She spent the entire year that my family has been absent from her life stalking us, that we moved and changed our number, but that does not stop her harassment of our extended family who is in our life and our friends.

I gained back about half the weight I lost. I kept extending when I’d get back on track, making excuses, wishing I hadn’t allowed her to stand in my way of a better me. Then I started noticing things that made me think I was to late in stopping myself from developing diabetes … extreme thirst, frequent urination, always hungry, always tired, and I got a yeast infection that no matter what I tried I could not get it to go away đŸ˜¦ I got a free glucose meter over the holidays and decided one morning I would check my fasting blood sugar( blood sugar after 8 or more hours of no eating) it was 320. That is high, I knew then that I had it. I got a doctor’s appointment and had it confirmed. The doctor’s plan:  medicine, diet, and exercise. So there is no more excuses, if I want to avoid insulin I have to keep taking my pills, eat healthy and exercise.

I have already started putting the plan in motion. It is my goal to loose weight, so I can keep my blood sugars in check. I want to be a shining example of health if I should ever run into her again. I know she may never see how my life got better and will probably take credit for all the positive changes she sees before her and has nothing to do with, but I will know my life got better the moment I decided to let her go. That I didn’t need her to make it happen and that it’s something she can’t take away because I built this life from the ground up for me and my family. With the closer I get to my goal, I remove a piece of the negativity I dealt with for years because all my weight is is a reminder of my past, their negativity and every unhappiness I felt. Exercising will help boost my endorphins  and bring happiness back to my life that I lost through many critisms, being locked away for their mistakes, and encouraged to follow extremely unhealthy habits. They may not see or know it, but I will, my life got better.

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