My house guest who I will call Fiona, has a son, who comes over for weekends, holidays, and oh yeah any time he is suspended for school. She is not a particularly involved parent and when she does get involved it makes you wonder why people like her are allowed to be parents. She informed me that her son has a diagnosis of odd ( oppositional defiant disorder) which they say The cause of ODD is unknown, but it is believed that a combination of biological, psychological, and environmental factors may contribute to the condition. After observing it I think her sons is strictly environmental.
Her son doesn’t seem to be able to follow directions, wakes my entire household at 7am, and gets into things that do not belong to him. I’ve had him ask to use my restroom in my room when someone was using the main one to come walking out of my room chewing gum he got from my bedside table and offering everyone a stick all while asking me questions about all the things he saw in my room. He opens drawers and my husband found him trying to play with his old Nintendo collection.
A lot of times I can’t help, but feel he is just craving attention and whatever attention he can get is good attention. Sadly his mother shows little interest when he is over she often chooses to sleep over spending time with him, hands him her tablet to babysit him and at times had us be involved in reprimanding him because she doesn’t care to always enforce rules in our home. When she has her son apologize for his behavior she has him say to me “I’m sorry for being a jerk!” and I feel horrified to hear him say that. The few times I have spoke up, I felt awkward for needing to do so because as a mom I would rather handle my own children then have someone else do it, and tried to apologize saying I don’t want to feel like I’m stepping on your toes when it comes to your son and she responds back ” oh no by all means go ahead he seems to listen to you better than he does me!”
When she realizes her son is not behaving and waking the house she doesn’t even get out of bed to address her sons behavior she just calls out I’m sorry to whoever is addressing the issue since she won’t get out of bed to do so and honestly if you can’t give your son your full attention for the 2 days he is visiting you then why do you have him over?
Our children have just as much trouble getting along as my son prefers to be left alone and her son has no respect for my son requesting that he do just that, he bangs on my sons bedroom door, will stand at the entryway to our Florida room where we keep the computer and will lick the sliding glass door and call out his name to get his attention. He has shot his nerf dart gun at him when told no, basically doing anything he can to get attention.
His mother does nothing, often seems like she can’t be bothered with him, and often projects onto him. She cusses at him, tells him he is being a jerk, and if I want to do something with my family and not include them she tells him it’s his fault that I did not invite them which I often interject and say no i just wanted to do something with my family and give you 2 some time together.
Her sons bad behavior got so out of hand and I didn’t feel like I should have to raise her son so I sat her down to discuss needing to be awake and attentive to his needs because my family was upset by her lack of involvement and us being the ones getting up with him and having him get into our things. This talk would transpire a few times like she got up one day with him the first weekend after I mentioned it and blamed it on the alarm not being set up right on her phone. Then she would get up, but only to fall asleep shortly after and sleep for several more hours where he would get bored of the tablet and begin to wonder and get into things. Sometimes because of her sleep schedule and disinterest in her son she would miss when her husband she is separated from called to let her know plans for picking up their son and he would text me to have me tell her to call him and I would have to shake her to wake her.
I never thought it was possible not to like a kid, but I guess bad parenting can sometimes create the most ill mannered attention seeking individuals and I fear to be witness to this relationship as it transpires, she is really passive as a parent and he is really aggressive as a child. He is often in trouble at school for kicking and throwing chairs at other students and he has trouble accepting her telling him anything and has even got hostile with her by hitting her and all she does is push him away.
All I can do is pray for this child, but I really don’t want to witness what he will become. She definitely is the ignoring narcissistic parent.