boarding a narcissist : How do we get sucked in

Published April 17, 2015 by PeachyKeene

Narcissist  are charming individuals  who  know how to charm people as they often will say anything they think you want to hear. when it comes to asking for  help they never ask directly they  wait for you to offer or suggest it is what you owe them.

the way i ended up with the narcissist in my home is she made a plea for help on Facebook asking for a place to stay where she could bring her cat and her son could visit on weekends, she stated she didn’t have much to give, but would chip in when she could. i offered like the fool that i am.

in the beginning she sang my praises a little to over the top that it left me feeling awkward, though my family and friends often share their appreciation for me, it just stuck me as someone who is trying  little to hard. It is wise to avoid them as i often look at the narcissistic folk as a siren calling you to your death, they are definitely as deceiving as one.

The narcissist goes through 3 key phases in their relationship to those they consider their narcissistic supply. First they praise you and want you to feel flattered. They can either sense that you will offer them great supply or they think you both share something unique that makes both of you superior to the rest of the world. Don’t be fooled it’s all a show. In the beginning Fiona  the narc would shower me with over played raving of how wonderful I am as if to out do my husband and my brother who were thanking me for another meal that they liked. Every story of my husband or daily happening in our life’s she would say Awwww. She would shower me with little gifts, nothing of major value a snack here, a cute shopping bag there, just little things to make you feel beholden to her and make you want to keep helping her. Then one day it stopped … no more over played compliments and no little trinket gifts of I saw this and thought of you. Not that I cared as I felt a false sense about it when she would do these things and often knew something wasn’t right about the situation.

Then came the devaluation. This is what they do next once they think they have you where they want you and it is often for their narcissistic supply. They try to find ways to emotionally charge you and watch you explode, it gives them an emotional high knowing they can piss you off. Sometimes it’s so underhand others don’t notice it and some may never notice because narcissist are so deceptive and they want you to think you are going crazy. I didn’t notice when I brought Fiona and Chris together, she kept telling me something wasn’t right about her and I thought it was jealousy, that she was afraid of loosing my friendship and assured her that I thought she was a little excited because this was all new for her. My friend Chris however was relieved when I told her ok I get what you were trying to tell me.

Fiona would make passive aggressive comments that she would know I would see applying to me usually to deflect her own behavior like “I don’t have time to be on facebook, play games, or watch tv all day” She is someone who is glued to her electronics and I think would have a serious melt down if they were completely unusable. She even interupts you to tell you in a passive aggressive way that she finds things annoying. While reading an article to my husband about something that happened in a town in the USA, in her opinion I pronounced the town name wrong so in the midst of me talking she interrupts to say how she finds it annoying when people mispronounce words and tells me how it’s suppose to be pronounced. I put her in her place and she tried to justify her action to me. She also makes sure to tell me in great detail how disgusting she thought something was that she had to clean in my home if it’s not a mess made directly by her,her son, or her pet. Usually most of their actions are deniable they try to make sure they have no witnesses and triangulation is a tool which means they like to be the middle man so they can give you false information and watch you get angry about it. I often found her lying about things to try and appear that she had developed a closer bond to people in my home saying they shared things with her that they didn’t with me and the thing she didn’t count on is I would ask them. Everyone in my house was up to speed on her behavior and none of them were liking her being here.

The final stage in their relationship is they discard you when they see you no longer are of use to them. This is the stage I am praying will come soon. I asked her to leave my home by the end of the month, she said she will, but she hasn’t moved a thing I think she will go for the low blows of self pity to suck me back in, but I have firmly asserted I want her gone. Once they know you will no longer give them what they want they move on because you are no longer fun for them.

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