Boarding a Narcissist : Crossing Boundaries

Published April 18, 2015 by PeachyKeene

It’s  something  that  happens  all to often as they view the world around them to be an extension  of  themselves. They  often expect their request  to  be carried  out without  hesitation  and they do not  understand  when their  opinion isn’t  wanted. The reason  they disregard  boundaries  is because they think  the world  is there to  serve  them .

When Fiona first  moved in, I was very accommodating  and without  even thinking  let her move into  our lives without  establishing  some  rules.it always starts off small , but once  they  are  comfortable  the boundaries  they  cross are endless. She didn’t  care  how  much  of  your  time  or money she  wasted,where her opinion  wasn’t  wanted,or how uncomfortable  she made you feel.

She  had  a  habit  of  making  you  wait exorbitant  amount  of  time  as she went  up  and  down  each  aisle  in the  store and didn’t  care  that  my  husband  had been  working  all day  and wanted to go home, if I   wasn’t  feeling  well , or was left  sitting  in  the  car  for  an hour.she’d  make request  and would seem  upset  if you didn’t  comply. I will  only  go  into  a  store  at  off peak  hours (unless  not  having  much  option  in needing  to  make  a  trip  during  peak  hours  ) and  as I  was  heading  out  to  take  my  husband  to  work she  requested  I pick up a 2 liter of  the  only  thing  she  ever  drinks Coca-Cola  since  it was during  a  peak hour I told  her I didn’t  want  to  go  into the  store . She scoffed  at me and  I looked  at  her like  excuse me? She quickly  regained  composure and said well can I ride  along  and go in to get it and I  said  yes.

she’d  often  drop request  on me assuming  I’d  do them. She would  wait  for  us to be going  out  the door  to tell  me some place  else she needed  to  go which  was  out of the way and the  next  town over . Personal  favors were deligated , she thought  she was going to be the next big youtube reviewer and  she thought  she was to good to   use  a laptop  to film her unboxing  videos, one day after  picking  her up from  the  bus stop she says to me I need  you to film me unboxing the new subscription  box I got and I said no when I get home I’m  relaxing  and  watching  a  movie. So she tries  to  see if she can  guilt  me  into  doing  it by saying  ” I guess  I could  use  my  laptop  but  I  just  don’t  like  the  quality . ” I  ignored  her statement  and went  straight  to  my  room  when  we  got  home .

Then we can’t  forget  the constant  intrusions on the conversations  that  were  within  ear shot of her, my husband  would  ask me a question  and she would  interrupt  me answering  him to say  what  I  already  was telling  him, she’d  catch a tail end  of  a conversation  and try to add to it, any moment  I had with  my son noting how he was growing  into a young man would  soon  be made  conversation  for her  to  shout  down the hall to make  sure  I know  her son is growing  to. Any conversation  I had  she  felt  she needed  to be a part of which  made  it  especially  difficult  to  have  moments  between  my husband  and  I . If she couldn’t  hear  what  were  talking  about  she’d  ask.

Crossing  Boundaries  means  they test the waters to see what they can get  away   with  if they can get away with  not paying a dime and letting  you do all the work they will . Since they don’t  understand  boundaries  when  you  set them they will  often  think you are over reacting and will  look  for  other  ways to  try  and  manipulate  you. Prime example  is the  reason  I  asked   Fiona  to  leave.

My husband  is the one to get our  son on the bus in the morning  and when he returned  home he decided  to play some video games, Fiona  woke up and eventually  complained her back was hurting  and asked my husband  if he could  rub her back for her. He told her no  and told me about  it  saying  how weird and uncomfortable  it was that she asked. I was stunned, I’ve  never  had someone  who  is supposed  to  be  a  friend  ask  my significant  other  for  such  an  inappropriate  favor that I   was at a loss for   how I should  handle it .  I   spoke  to  single and married friends  a like about  it being upsetting and all of them told me I was  justified  in wanting  her to leave though  my husband has no interest  in Fiona  it doesn’t  mean  she’d  stop trying.

It was the reason I  told  her  she  had  to  move  and I gave her until  the  end  of  the  month. A week passed  and I tried telling  her I wanted to be  cordial  with  her  and  make the situation  less awkward. The surprising  part is she really  didn’t  get it and wanted to talk to the both of us because  she wanted  to  resolve  it as the smallest thing can fester into something  bigger. I told her it’s  not  a negotiation  she crossed  a line  and we wanted  her gone. She even tried  to  lay emphasis  on  how  she’d  be  homeless  and has no place to go. I was firm and stood by my decision ,  though  I would  hate to see a person  homeless  to me it’d  be worse to have someone  in my home trying to weigh down my marriage. So now the count down begins  12 days until  I  am free, she says she found  a place and I can only cross my fingers  and hope she leaves sooner than that.

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