Some may wonder why I spend in length such great detail talking about narcissist . From the stories I share I hope to educate others so they can recognize patterns in behavior and develop healthy boundaries so they can distance themselves from those who are to selfish to consider your feelings and your needs.
This subject became one close to my heart after my husband’s accident two and a half years ago when I made a crucial decision to disown my mother’s family. I struggled with guilt and depression , I tried desperately to understand why I felt the way I did when it came to them in terms of never feeling good enough , hollow and hurting . As I typed certain descriptive feelings into my Web browser I kept having search results of narcissism thrown back at me. I researched it to the point of obsession so I could understand for myself and do what is best for myself so I could heal.
I have even made the classic mistake of hoping for the impossible , for them to get better . After 2 years of not talking to my mom she found another one of my social network accounts and sent me a message. I was sucked in by her lies that she was now sober and making changes to her life. I agreed to meet her and with sitting with her I realized I had changed more than she had. I politely declined to have any further contact with her and then would ensue her anger and guilt trips. I learned not to respond and get upset because it’s not my reality .
I feel for the pain they had experienced growing up in a broken home because I had experienced it to. However I know there are two ways you can go with it, you can either let it keep hurting you and try to weigh the rest of the world down with it trying to break others the way you are broken or you can heal yourself and vow to protect yourself and be more assertive, to choose love and help others,to not beat others down. They say the one way to know you aren’t a Narcissist is when it’s a fear that you might be because a Narcissist wouldn’t care if they are .
My childhood was filled with demons and I take pride in knowing my son will never know the pain of my childhood . I am vigilant in him knowing he is loved,is safe,that he doesn’t have to worry about taking care of me,and is free of adult worries. The most I ever ask in terms of emotional support is a hug because it makes any day better. I couldn’t ever imagine treating him the way my mother treated me.
I realize now that there are these broken souls out there ,they come in all forms and they latch onto the givers in this world as they are the empaths, they feel for everyone , and for a Narcissist there is no greater supply . In my own journeys to protect myself I have learned to help others doesn’t mean you have to let them take over your life and home, being to giving and not having boundaries is a very unsafe thing for your own mental health and each time someone disregards your boundaries it’s important to be assertive.
in my two and half year journey I have let go of the guilt others try to make me feel when I don’t submit to their demands, if someone is being rude or hurtful I am assertive , and in this process I finally know what it truly means to be happy . I have suffered from depression all of my life and never knew it was possible to actually love and care about myself .