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All posts for the month May, 2015

Why does it feel like I can’t escape Drama?

Published May 17, 2015 by PeachyKeene

I have had a pretty mixed relationship with my dad and his wife. Every time my step mother is upset about her precious boy and his grievances that he can’t share with you on his own she starts a drama induced event and shows our relationship disloyalty and disrespect. My Brother is 25 and I am convinced his balls will never drop because mom will not let him. Whenever there is an air of tension because my step brother complained it has most fleeing the scene and me left feeling dumbfounded.

I had been on a good streak of about three years without any drama with my step mom when I told her she did our relationship a great disservice by letting his petty complaints rile the relationship she had with me, that she needed to let him grow up and talk to me on his own if he is upset. Unfortunately she is a very dramatic person, she knows everything in my brother’s life and will wage war against anyone who wronged her darling boy including his love interest.

My fathers birthday had passed and due to not feeling well I was late about ordering my father his gift and would need to return at a later date after his party to give him his gift, so while out on a date night with my husband I asked to swing by and drop off my fathers gift. When I arrived my step mom hid in the bedroom, while my dad fidgeted and then blurted out that he got a complaint that my husband made my brother’s girlfriend uncomfortable cause she felt as if my husband was undressing her with his eyes. Stunned by the accusation as my husband and I weren’t even sitting in the same room as her nor does my husband have any interest in her as I have seen rather beautiful women try to get his attention and he still acts like I’m the only woman in the room I would have no reason to suspect that there is any truth to this. I was upset and asked my father what kind of crap is this? like you’ve seen how my husband has been with me for the course of our relationship and you actually would acknowledge this and accuse him of such a thing? he told me he’d get to the bottom of it, I said well if you don’t you know I will because I’m not so cowardly that I can’t talk to someone if we have an issue that needs to be addressed.

Shortly after leaving  she shot a text thanking me for the gift and apologizing for not coming out to see us. So I told her I knew why she hadn’t and that I was hurt by the accusations made, that they had hurt my husband and I both and feeding into it felt like they had no respect for me and my marriage. When I told her I needed time to myself she bombarded me with Text and later turned to playing the Martyr saying my father and her were splitting and how it is all my fault.

Trying to let this blow over, but it really stings to know the people you should be able to count on to use reasoning and support you play favorites and because I don’t have romantic grievances with my husband they try to create problems. I’ve always thought my step mom to be a little crazy, I’ve had her flip on me for things like my brother asking for my advice over hers, asking a simple question and she read to much into it and got nuclear, not to mention she once tried to commit suicide over having to live in a fema trailer. I’m starting to wonder if the world is filled with personality disorders and some are just worse than others. All I know is life is to short for people who get bored with normal and happy. Until it blows over going to just enjoy my birthday with friends and focus on summer plans. I’ve had enough drama to last me this lifetime and the next, maybe I shouldn’t of said anything, but I always speak my heart and at the end of the day if I’m true to myself and stick up for myself that is what matters to me is I let others know I won’t be their punching bag.

Boarding a Narcissist: The Aftermath of getting them out of your home

Published May 15, 2015 by PeachyKeene

it amazes me the amount of selfishness one can possess and expect you to be so selfless in the demands of their selfishness. as mentioned before Fiona was packed and ready to go by the deadline thanks to my diligent work as she didn’t take my request for her to leave serious until she saw all her things neatly packed by the door. In the few short hours she had been gone she realized she had forgotten some household items and requested that the next time I am in the area, I bring them by.

As my family began to settle back into the routine they were use to before Fiona had occupied our house it occurred to us that she had swiped little household items that she no less thought we wouldn’t miss out on. However apparently she was a little more dense than I care to describe and walked off with my brothers cigarettes which is far likely to get noticed. Infuriated by her disregard for common decency I decided it wasn’t worth my effort to go out of my way to return a few simple items she left behind.

inpatient and starting to sense we were on to her she sends me a text saying if it was to inconvenient for me to bring her items to her she could always come get them and please be sure to let her know if there was anything she might of mistakenly packed to let her know and she could return it to me. I did tell her it was inconvenient and mentioned that I knew she took his cigarettes, normally I wouldn’t outright accuse someone however knowing how my brother always knows where he keeps his stuff and her having a track record for stealing, there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that she indeed stole from him. based on her response, her lack of caring if anyone was upset with her, and eagerness to drop the subject only proved to me she was lying about her guilt on the matter. It was now in the open we were no longer friends, not that I thought this was going to be a lets keep in touch kind of deal, more like we have mutual friends so lets keep it amicable and just say it didn’t work.

For the rush she was in to get her things insisting she needed them now it took her a week to pick her stuff off of my door step, grateful that it’s all over even at the expense of needing to replace a few household items. When they know they no longer can use you they will take and keep everything for themselves. I can say lesson learned, always offer a helping hand, but you have to save something for yourself and that place is the only sanctuary you have … home.

Boarding a Narcisist: Getting them to leave when asked is no easy task

Published May 1, 2015 by PeachyKeene

It felt as a roller coaster I would never be able to get off, they would chase any hope you had with making you feel the possibility of them leaving being hopeless. She would tell me she had a place and a few days later tell me the plans for her to move there fell through. This went on each time I asked her about her plans to move. She couldn’t give me a straight answer and each time I asked I would get an excuse as to why  she couldn’t tell me her plans.

In pure frustration I decided to tell her my agenda for move out day that when the day came once she got back from her doctors appointment  I’d allow her to prep something to eat then if she had no one to come pick her up I’d help her load up her stuff and take her back to her husband’s house from who she is separated from as she had no other arrangements. She responded with oh my stuff is going to his house and I’m going to the street. He’ll be here in the morning to get the rest of my stuff, I will be packing the last of it tonight. I told her as long as you are gone like you agreed to do by the deadline given.

Most of my communications with her were multimedia messages as there was just something about her dodging the seriousness of her no longer being welcome in our house, which I’d rather have documented proof so she couldn’t later twist it with people we are mutual friends with, not so much that I care what others think of me, but to put her more on guard of a reason she may not want to complain to others about the harshness I showed in wanting her to leave my house.

Then the magical day came, her husband loaded up most of her belongings and took her cat with him, she soon after departed for her doctors appointment and I departed from the room, I looked to the corner of my living room she inhabited to see not everything got packed and taken with her husband,it was obvious she didn’t think she was going today. My brother said she kept sniffling as she helped her husband load up her things. Since I saw how she didn’t take my agenda serious that day I decided it was time for me to get to work so she understood I meant business.

My Brother started by helping me change the lock, once that was done I moved on to packing the rest of her things. I packed and stacked the rest of her stuff on my dinning room table it filled the table and chairs. I removed the furniture I let her use, swept the floors, and rearranged my furniture to make my home look like a living room once again. After the physical labor I decided to wash away the sweat and realized she had stole my conditioner, luckily for me she hadn’t left with hygiene products and I was able to retrieve it from her things. Once feeling fresh and clean, we decided to change our wifi password to keep her from accessing our internet, once she was locked out of the internet our band strength improved.

She came back from her md appointment just before 4pm, my husband already gone for work it left my brother and I to deal with enforcing her to leave if she resisted. She walked through the door with fast food and cup in hand starring at her things packed and piled on the table, I heard her make little gasp, I gave her time to process what was happening here not saying a word. She stepped outside to make a phone call and came back in and tearfully said to me “he (her husband) thinks it would be best if you could bring me and my things to his house before 5pm so he doesn’t have to leave midshift.”  I said let me just get my brother, we had her loaded up and at his door step by 4:30pm. Needless to say as I dropped her off her husband looked angry face red as can be and when I told him this was the last of it he didn’t respond. We drove off and the sense of relief that was felt was great.

I no longer have to dread my weekends when her son would show up and not listen or feel like I was on stage the moment I walked out of my bedroom, our home is finally ours again. I will never do this again, you would have to be like family to me for me to do so. As time follows I will talk about other behaviors I witnessed in narcissistic people one of them being a lack of common sense, but for today I’m going to enjoy my first day of no more Fiona and the house returning to it’s former state.