This feeling just isn’t going away

Published August 15, 2015 by PeachyKeene

I haven’t been back to my father’s since the argument, trying to make them understand how hurtful they were was pointless as the best apology they could offer is “sorry for whatever we did.” We resolved to drop it, and they gave their standardized statement of it being in the past. Now they moved on to wanting me to be excited about them deciding to renew their wedding vows and want me to play bridesmaid. Those closest to me tell me not to do this for them, they say if you are anything less than excited then it’s not the right thing to do and you shouldn’t do it out of obligation.

So when they first announced their decision, I guess since I was the only one that didn’t say what a crock of shit it was, my step mom would think of another detail and call me, and in the grand scheme of things for ruining my birthday she now wanted to plan a girls day to buy me a dress for their ceremony. When she called to try and make plans to dress shop I was out of town visiting with a friend I hadn’t seen in a few years, which since they don’t keep up with me forgot I was away. When I saw she tried to call I sent a text that said I wasn’t going to be near my phone much this week and if it’s an emergency I’d get back to them otherwise I’m busy right now. She called and left a voicemail wanting to make plans to dress shop. I didn’t return her call so the next day my dad called and left a voicemail. I knew he was grasping straws because my dad will just say hey call me back and now he was saying things like sweetie to me via voicemail.

I managed to not hear from them in almost a month, but my failure to not return their call hasn’t made them catch on to the fact that I really don’t feel like speaking to them. As much as they would like to march forth as nothing is wrong I think they finally cracked me, I’m just so tired of having my heart ripped out of my chest and for the first time I can taste my hatred for them. I honestly feel like walking into my families house and stabbing a bowie knife into their dinning room table and saying yeah I just pulled the knife you stuck in my back out. It just isn’t the first time that I was treated like the one in the wrong, I’ve been stolen from by one of my step brother’s ex’s and my parents got mad at me for confronting her they refused to believe she stole from me until I moved out and she started stealing from them next however my step mom is still friends with that girl, they let one of their friends move into our family home when I use to live with them and they expected me to cover her share of the expenses and pitifully cried when I decided to move out even though they allowed her to be crude to me.

So yeah I finally reached the why am I trying to make them feel better here? I don’t feel any better and pretty sure I never will cause I know when it comes to me vs. the world they do not have my back, they don’t even try to defend me or my family, but they sure can lean on us expecting their horribly cruel behavior to be tolerated, accepted, and otherwise ignored. I’m actually feeling anxiety mounting and I’d rather hide until it’s 2016. I can’t fake good cheer with people who are assholes.

Nothing like your parents teaching you that you can’t count on anyone.


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