Just to save time, I will call this friend of my husband’s Mr.A (as in mr. annoying, but far shorter). Cue 2016 starting off poorly, the job my husband took to better our situation didn’t pan out, my husband found work, but it proved to not be the best in providing financially, I pushed Mr.A to find a job telling him we could no longer afford to financially support him, and he either began to pull his weight or we were just going to have to cut the line because we had to think of ourselves.
He got a job in February and with it things began to change. We weren’t going to renew our lease and applied for an apartment in the next town over, closer to the guys jobs, as we began to pack my best friend spent a lot of time in the final weeks before our move helping me as the guys were pretty hopeless especially Mr.A as he sat in a chair writing fiction stories in his notebook while he watched us work. However it was the way he acted towards me that began to draw attention.
I remember one afternoon getting sick and saying out loud who wants to come snuggle with me? What I was really wanting was the company of my friend to chat with while I laid down, my friend wanted me to rest and said she was going for a walk, but what surprised me was when I got to my bedroom door and entered the room I found Mr.A standing behind me in the door frame, I shut the door in his face and figured he didn’t get that I was joking about the snuggling part or that in any case I would never snuggle with him.
What I didn’t anticipate is how fast we’d notice how obvious some of his behaviors got. There would be times he couldn’t keep his eyes off of me, it began to creep my friend out when she would see him super focused on me. She’d ask do you ever notice the way he looks at you? Something isn’t right, she was right about that, once she said something and I looked I didn’t like what I saw. Sadly it only got worse once we moved into the apartment and even with the measures I have taken to distance myself it doesn’t stop his attempts to engage me.
When we moved I decided our electronics wouldn’t go in the living room, I was rather annoyed with how he had a tendency to hog them (when we were back at the house), but wouldn’t help us pack or move anything, so why should we let him enjoy something he doesn’t care for and did no work in helping move it. Something I didn’t realize would lead to him seeing my husband as worthless and unable to use so he would then discard him completely and make me his primary focus.
Mr.A like to use his eyes to manipulate and control a person and I began to realize it as there were often times he never spoke a word just looked into my eyes and expected me to anticipate his needs from the way he stared. If I tried avoiding eye contact he would practically shove his face in mine asking what is wrong? I exploded and told him I was sick and tired of him shoving his face in mine, after that when I looked away he no longer tried to manipulate me with eye contact.
However what gets to me is when he tries to invade my personal space by hugging me. Oh you are worried about the bills? Let me pay you back that money I owe you, but treat it like a favor I’m doing for you so I can hug you. Someone was being weird and making you uncomfortable, well let me now make you uncomfortable by hugging you and acting like I’m concerned even though you weren’t the only person that experienced it and really I should of just asked are you girls ok? Tired? Need a hug? Angry? Need a hug? You get the point, he’s just full of hugs for me. I constantly have my hand up in front of me protesting No! except for the few times he catches me off guard and grabs me.
Then there are the conversations, he overhears a subject and uses it as a Segway to talk about himself and his job, it can be other people talking to me and make a statement and he comes charging into the room asking about said subject while staring at me for the answer, and when we come home at night he never addresses my husband, I can’t begin to even count how much he says my name that I’m seriously considering changing it, things he can tell the room are never addressed to the room just me like how a husband goes onto his wife about<cringe>
Oh yes and more staring , like he keeps his eyes on his game console when friends and my husband enter the room, I walk in and his head about spins 360 to see what I’m doing. Even more upsetting is the times my husband and I bicker and I see him sitting in the floor in front of his game console and as I trail behind my husband bickering he looks up into my face grinning from ear to ear, something that most people would be to uncomfortable to be in the room to witness he is sheepishly grinning extra big at me and it annoys me, like he thinks he’s apart of some joke and really just seeing him smile like that makes me want to kick him in the face, like who looks either one of the people of that couple in the face and smiles while they argue with their spouse?
Then there is the creeping, like the floorboards in front of my door creak and you can hear him out my door. Then how he just knows things you said quietly in private, the only things he doesn’t know are the things we talk about when he’s not here. It’s mind boggling, but even worse of these offenses is if you looked in at the relationships as they are now you probably wouldn’t be able to tell my husband and him were once friends. You’d think the way he behaves towards me it was me he’s known all along. For example my birthday was last month and he asked me early on what I wanted for my birthday, my husbands birthday is tomorrow and he still has yet to acknowledge it. How is that for creep factor? However there is more to this story which will be in my next blog.