What’s the most insidious thing he has ever done? He convinced my best friend that he was a nice guy. My friend had forgotten about my general annoyance and grievances with him and began to assume he must be ok if he was living with us. Well at the time he seemed like a redeeming guy when he helped around the house when my husband was in the hospital and walked with him at night so I could get some rest. He even tried acting like my gay best friend, except for he wasn’t gay, like that time of the month he was like your designated bff to eat pizza, chocolate and watch movies with.
What girl wouldn’t like the sound of a guy who is supportive of your vegetative state? Not to mention need I remind you how charming they are in the beginning and can love bomb you. When my friend let down her guard it was before we truly understood what he was and all the realms of cluster B personality disorders. She fell for it and all that day I sensed something was a brewing as I noticed them quietly talking among themselves, as I became more perplexed feeling paranoid that they weren’t telling me something, I didn’t find out until the next day when all was revealed, I felt sick cause I definitely didn’t think he deserved her, that he was an asshole, and feared telling her the truth that I don’t even think she should give him a chance. I’ve had friends accuse me of not wanting them to be happy when I expressed concern, I didn’t want her to think I was telling her what to do.
Fast forward to now and you’d never be able to guess that they once tried being a couple, there is no awkwardness because of them, only the way he is towards me. Now as I look back and try to theorize why he went after her? I can’t help but feel it was a great supply, my empathetic friend who’s emotions he could manipulate in either to make her cry or feel sorry for him. He made her his flying monkey telling her the horrors from his childhood so when I reached my breaking point and wanted him to leave she’d pled with me to reconsider. The reason he is still here is because of the empathy she felt for him and the guilt I felt like I was somehow wrong for kicking him to the curb.
It was his complete disrespect for her that lead to their relationship ending, I was grateful it wasn’t volatile, I was scared that if it ended badly it would forever effect the way our friendship progressed, that my friend may never come over to my house again. It was ended by her without a fight, as she began to learn with me about personality disorders she began to highlight things she now sees as alarming and wish she had known then what he was now so she could of warned me.
She said there were times she’d ask him to take it easy on me as I was already under a lot of stress, she said he would chuckle like he was delighted with a grin on his face kind of shaking his head no and each time she asked he’d do it. One time she asked to watch a show with him, something we were all into and he shut her down completely telling her he only watches it with me.
However when things were back to normal, he would invade our girl time insisting on watching our chick flick movie with us and then acting out so to ruin our girls night. One night he did that and I stormed off, I told him I couldn’t stand the sight of him and was going to my room, he refused to leave me alone for a good half hour knocking and demanding I talk to him, I told him I didn’t want to talk. He then closed himself in the bathroom crying hysterically, my friend when returning from her walk tried to go in to see if he was ok, he wouldn’t let her in and nearly slammed the door on her fingers, she came and got me cause she was concerned, I really didn’t want to go see what the matter was I already felt so manipulated. I went and with the first word I said the door magically opened and he let us in, I felt the need to keep reintegrating I had a right to be mad, like I was supposed to apologize for getting mad that he violated my boundaries and tried to manipulate my emotions? I felt like that whole night was one big manipulation. There would be more, but he would no longer trick me with I’ll get help just so he could get me to hug him.
Now her and I both know what he is, he got to trick her like he tricked me. I vowed to her I’d be up front with her because I now know she values my opinion and knows I wouldn’t say it unless there was a reason. She promised to do the same, now that we know what they are we don’t let one slide by without sounding the alarm for the other.